So, when I walked in to another ultrasound appointment on Monday, August 27th, I didn't expect to receive the news that I would in fact need to deliver early. I knew that something wasn't quite right when I went in for this appointment. I had just had an ultrasound the Thursday before and I had another one scheduled for the Thursday of that week but they called me on Friday and wanted me back in. I expected them to check everything and give me the all clear or at very worst, bed rest.
I waited forever to go in and see the doctor after my ultrasound. I was late for a prenatal check up at my OBGYN's office and they knew I had that appointment. I was a little annoyed and the ultrasound tech hadn't given any indication that anything was wrong. So, why was I still there an hour after my ultrasound had finished?
I, finally, got called in to talk with the doctor. She, very seriously, delivered the news that I would need to deliver that day or the next. Wait, what?!? I felt good and was finally getting energy back after being sick a few weeks prior, so how could this be? The blood flow in the umbilical cords had started to diminish and this is very serious. Tears started coming as the news sunk in. They streamed down my face. I felt like I had failed. The thoughts of what I could have done differently went through my mind. Maybe I should have rested more and asked for more help. The doctor explained that they are not sure why this happens and they have seen it go from ok blood flow to no blood flow very quickly. I felt sad knowing I could not give my boys the best start by keeping them inside my belly longer. And sadness knowing all they would have to go through in their first few weeks. This was not my plan but I could do nothing to change it.
Through the tears I went into problem solving mode. I didn't have a bag packed at home. Hell, we hadn't even decided on the boys' names. I wasn't allowed to go home, I was to go directly over to the hospital which was literally the next parking lot over. I called BJ as I sat with the doctor and informed him. I didn't give him much time to absorb the information, there just wasn't the time to freak out. I told him to find someone to watch Kyleigh and to get to the hospital along with a short list of things to grab for me. I made a few other calls and texts to let work know, get my sister to come from Cedar Falls to stay with Kyleigh for the week, see if my sister-in-law was working (because she works in labor and delivery as a nurse), and of course to call my momma. This is what I do when crisis arise. I start figuring out what needs to be done, that I can control, and figure it out. I couldn't fix the real problem. I couldn't make the blood flow better. So, as tears continued to come I solved the problems that I could control.
From the time I found out that I would need to deliver, to actually delivering was only about 2 hours. BJ arrived only 15 minutes before I went in for my emergency C-section. And we talked names as I was getting all prepped for surgery. This helped keep my mind from going to bad places. We even joked a little and laughed a little. As I look back, I see God's protective hand and his comfort through it all.
You know that saying "God uses everything for good". I started seeing His goodness in the midst of our storm. I was sick and in the hospital about two weeks prior to delivery and received the steroid shots at that time that would help develop the boys' lungs. Because of this, they didn't have to wait to deliver the boys. I was suddenly thankful I had been sick and they had given those shots to me and that the boys' had that extra time after the shots. If I had not received those shots, they would have given them to me and I would have been hooked up to a monitor and may not have delivered for another day or two. So, I would have been a wreck by the time I delivered, just laying in bed worrying. Thank God I did not have to wait. And Thank God the boys had that extra time after the shots to help their lungs.
Our friends had just brought their twins home from their NICU journey a month before. We had prayed with them for their little miracles and we had seen God's hand through their NICU stay and the early start of their children. I could see God using their experience to help us through the boys birth and early start. So, I was still scared but I knew some of what was ahead and that made it less scary.
My sister-in-law, Michelle, wasn't working that day but after finding out I would be delivering, she rushed in. She called her husband (BJ's brother) and had him come home so she could be there. THANK GOD! She walked in just as the C-section started. I felt such relief knowing she was there and knowing she'd tell me the truth about how everything looked when the boys came out. Knowing she'd make sure everything went as well as it could possibly go and she'd make sure nothing was missed, was a huge relief. She even went and grabbed a camera because BJ forgot ours. She took the boys' first pictures! Thank God for Michelle!
As they pulled little Luke out first, he cried! I heard his cry and I cried too but with joy! This was a good thing, such a good thing. I knew if he cried, he was alive and he would live. I knew his lungs were strong enough to let out that cry. Then little Logan came a few minutes later and I heard that second little cry! Huge sigh of relief. They were here and they were alive! Thank God!
Luke Joseph Barlean weighed in at 2lbs 13oz and Logan James Barlean weighed in at 2lbs 12oz. Michelle let us know that they looked really good. And I got to see them as they wheeled them by in their little plastic box. I waved. And cried as they wheeled them away and down to the NICU.
Pictures below are right after they were born, even before they were taken to the NICU. Baby A is Luke but Logan doesn't seem to have a label.
I fell in love even before I had the boys. But I fell hard when I saw their precious little faces.
So tiny and so precious.
Seeing our babies for the first time.
Waving. See you later little guy.
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