Twins vs. singleton pregnancy

I just wanted to sleep! Why can't women hibernate when they get pregnant?  I mean, come on, you know it would be better for everyone.  I'm sure my husband would have voted for this.  He was so great with putting up with my mood swings, my tiredness and my whining about being so tired. He even picked up the slack with taking care of most things around the house. I remember being tired and being frustrated that I was so tired when I was pregnant the first go round but this time I had a 2 year old and couldn't nap whenever I needed too. There are some big differences that I'd like to share in this post.

#1 No midwives and way more ultrasounds and doctor visits - With my first pregnancy I went through Midwive Services of Iowa.  I loved the midwives and was looking forward to having them for this next pregnancy.  But the midwives don't do high risk pregnancies and twin pregnancies are in that category. Great, a whole new set of doctors to get to know. Like a dozen or more compared to the four midwives. It was alright, no big deal, at least that's what I thought at first. But the OBGYN office that I went through was much bigger and there were so many doctors. But it was OK because most of my appointments were for ultrasounds anyway. I started having ultrasounds every two weeks and by the end weekly. I lost track of how many I actually had with the boys. With a singleton pregnancy you get maybe one or two unless something is wrong. I spoke with the ultrasound doctors after every ultrasound. There were only two of them and both were great. I liked them and trusted them. Not so much with my doctor office. At first it was great and then they started scheduling me with different doctors. I did not feel at ease when I had an appointment and the doctor walked in the room and didn't even know I was having twins and had not reviewed the 3-4 ultrasounds I had since my last prenatal check up. It's all in the computer system, which is all linked together, seriously!?! FRUSTRATING and not very professional. I liked the first couple doctors I saw and was going to go back to them had I not had the boys early.

Kyleigh saying brothers while looking at the Ultrasound Pictures

Ultrasound pictures at 17 weeks

#2 Weight gain and eating challenges. I could have ate anyone under the table when I was pregnant with Kyleigh. With the boys, I had no appetite. The doctors wanted me to gain 22 pounds by week 22.  With one they say you don't really need to put on any extra weight before week 20.  I was at week 16 or 17 when they told me this and had gained maybe 5 pounds. So, 5 weeks to put on 17 pounds, doesn't sound too hard, right?  Wrong! Eating for three with the goal of gaining weight is a challenge. Especially when your insides are being pushed all around and crowded by the growing babies. So, they gave me a list of foods to focus on. Boost shakes with everything. Make a milkshake and use Boost and ice cream. If your going to eat fruit and veggies add dip. Always add dip. This was like the list of no no's for anyone on a diet. Basically the healthy eating habits that I had worked so hard for after Kyleigh, toss those out the window. I thought, challenge accepted! I bought the boost shakes and drank them. I ate fast food way more than I should have and chocolate milk and cookies. I said screw the fruit and veggies and salads and bring on the fries and fried food and frosty's from Wendy's. If it takes to much energy to chew, not going to eat it. Lets just say, my eating habits have not fully recovered.

#3 SO TIRED!  Did I mention how tired I was? I was so tired!! I could have slept 20 hours a day at least.

#4 Your second pregnancy is always harder due to the fact that you have at least one other child that needs your attention. This is not necessarily related to twin pregnancy but just something I'd like to point out. I was thankful for the gates in our house. I most definitely locked all the gates and turned on Disney Junior and fell asleep on the couch(if Kyleigh would let me). Sometimes, Kyleigh was so sweet and she let me rest and would cuddle next to me. And sometimes she'd poke my eyeballs or open my eyelids and insist I watch whatever was on TV with her.

#5 Much looser down there.  So, as the babies grew Luke's feet were very low. And every time he kicked I would get nervous that he was just going to kick out or that I'd wipe and there might be a foot sticking out.  Kyleigh paved a nice pathway and things had not fully tightened back up. And the weight of two seemed to add a lot of pressure in my lady parts. Too bad I had to have a c-section because I'm pretty sure they would have just slid right out.  (this is not really related to twins either since I've heard this with second pregnancies) And, some of you are thinking TMI but seriously I still pee a little when I sneeze or laugh to hard and my bladder is full.  So, if you see me cross my legs when I sneeze or refuse to do jumping jacks in exercise class, this is why. Now it's really too much information, right?

#6 SO SO TIRED!  So tired.  Again, I know I had to mention it again just in case you missed it the first couple of times. So tired.  Did you know that the babies get all the good stuff from what you eat and the momma gets the leftovers. (I think that's how it works or at least that's how it feels)  So, I felt like I couldn't get enough in to actually have any sort of energy.  And with Kyleigh I gave up most caffeine and only had maybe a tea here or there.  Not everyday and not more than once a day.  With the boys, I drank coffee, everyday and sometimes more than just one cup. Had too!

#7 In pregnancy clothes at 11 weeks. Almost as soon as I found out I was pregnant with twins I was pulling the pregnancy clothes out of the closet. I didn't get pregnancy clothing until about week 20 with my first.  At least I went from that awkward looking fat stage to definitely pregnant quicker.  In case your not a mom reading this, let me explain.  For a while at the beginning of the pregnancy there is this time where you just look like you're getting fat.  And it kind of sucks.  Your not quite ready for pregnancy clothes and you don't quite look pregnant.  So, ya, glad that was shorter with the twins.

24ish weeks pregnant with the twins

Ok, there's really not a ton different about pregnancy with twins.  Just more appointments, more tired and bigger faster.  Also, the chances of delivering early increase dramatically. Something like 50% of pregnancy of multiples, deliver early. That's the reason for so many ultrasounds and why they watch you a bit closer.  Identical twins are a little higher risk for problems because they often only have one sac and one placenta. My boys were lucky and each had their own sac but shared a placenta.  There's stuff that can happen like one baby getting more nutrients or taking good stuff from the other baby which can result in a much smaller birth size for one or one baby not making it, etc...

So, there you have it. Hope you laughed a little. BJ and I laughed often about some of these things. Had too! Especially, when you're pregnant in July and get poison ivy because your sister had it and walked into your house. I swear I didn't touch her.  But I got poison ivy, bad on my neck and chest and all down my side.  I guess pregnancy can heighten your sensitivity to that kind of stuff.  As if me, pregnant wasn't bad enough, lets add poison ivy and prednisone for three weeks. Something to laugh about now for sure.  At the time I was a bit miserable but we found humor in it.  It's better than being mopey all the time. Laughter really is the best medicine.

Kyleigh, BJ and I in July

Learning to trust, again

Have you ever gone against the grain?  Tried to walk against a strong wind or swim against the currant? Have you taken three left turns to turn right?  You can but it is a lot harder and takes more time and energy.  This was me at the beginning of the twins pregnancy with the boys.  I'm stubborn and determined. After finding out I was pregnant with twins, I convinced myself that I could continue to do all the same things I had planned. I had a job and I was so involved at church that I had plans almost every night of the week. I was in VLI, this is a school.  It takes study time, reading time, project time, and more time. I was leading a youth team and leading a small group at my house. I was overloaded and didn't know it.  And if you had forgotten, I also had a very active 2 year old and a husband and a messy house.  If your a mom, I'm sure you're thinking I was crazy.  I was! 

I obviously didn't know my limitations.  And I was so sure that God wanted me to do all of these things.  I was so sure that I was on the right path.  But I was so wrong and it took a lot of left turns to figure it out. I started having anxiety and panic attacks. I didn't talk about this much or let on that this was a major struggle through the pregnancy. Babies are blessings and two at a time is twice the blessing, right?  I told myself this many times, and I knew it, but I still had this internal struggle. And I knew I needed to do what was best for the little babies growing inside me.  

So, I did something about it.  I started letting things go.  I realized maybe God didn't want me to do all of these things. I had to admit, not only was I taking left turns to go right, I was lost and I needed to back track. VLI was one of the first to go.  As I was preparing for my first set of tests in my second quarter, I realized baby brain was making it extremely difficult to retain all the information. Because I hate to admit defeat, I considered cheating and using my books for the test (hey, nobody's perfect), and quickly realized that was a horrible idea and not the way I wanted to do VLI.  It was hard letting go.  I quit and I'm not a quitter. I had to look at it differently.  VLI is still there now and will be in the future.  And someday I might jump back in.  But, you only get one chance with each pregnancy and your kids are only little once. So, I needed to put other things on pause so I could focus on the most important task God had given me; motherhood. I felt so much better and some of the anxiety and panic attacks had gone. 

Now that I wasn't as busy I had more time to worry. The major question I was dealing with was "how can we handle this financially?"  How can I possibly go back to work after?  Up to this point we had a couple of different family members or friends watch Kyleigh for cheap while BJ was in school and I was at work.  But who would take Kyleigh and newborn twins, and not want an arm and a leg? Plus, I wanted to be home with my kids. I always thought I'd be home with them when they were little.  BJ didn't even have a job when we found out we were having twins. So, I was the only income. These thoughts swirled in my head. And any way you worked it, it didn't work out. 

I know now, this was a trust test.  Did I really trust God to provide? The bible says,

  "Don't worry about anything;instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus" Phillipians 4:6-7

Ok, I knew this verse. But I'm a planner and a thinker and problem solver.  I can surely do it all myself, right? But I did know and continually reminded myself, "don't worry about anything, pray about everything".  So, I'd pray but I'd still worry. The whole "don't worry"part is hard!  Trusting is hard. I wanted the peace and I wanted to enjoy the last few months of my pregnancy.  After many discussions BJ and I knew I needed to be home with the kids. That part made sense and we had peace about that decision(sort of). The how, was the kicker. We knew we had to trust God and that the how would make sense later (hopefully). I was so sure I was making the right decisions before and thought they were led by God, so was I hearing Him this time? I had doubts. But we had to move forward. This was a leap of faith. I wanted to know how we'd land and where we would land before I jumped, but then it wouldn't be a leap of faith. So, we jumped and piece by piece God provided. BJ got a job, flexible and steady was the first piece. And a few family members and friends started giving us hand me down clothes and baby things that we would need.  So, I knew the boys would be clothed and have a place to sleep when they got here. The rest came later.  Peace came as I continued to trust and let go of the control. It was something I did over and over and over again through this pregnancy.   

Introductions

Hi, my name is Joy and I'm a mom, a wife and a follower of Jesus.  I have 3 young kids.  So much has happened since the birth of my twin boys.  They came early and they have down syndrome.  So, I wanted to share their story but it's also my story and our families story. I want to share how parenting a quote "normal" child compares to parenting two with "special needs".   Even though my boys are 18 months old, I still go back to the pregnancy and the NICU quite often in my head. Every time we go to a doctor appointment or I'm in the car by myself, I go back to that daily drive to the NICU.  And those emotions are still so fresh. It's time to get it out of my head and into writing.  I want to share how entering into motherhood has changed my perceptions, healed my heart, grown my faith and taught me so much. I hope you enjoy this window into our lives. 

Life Changes in an Instant

Have you ever thought about how small moments have a huge impact on our lives?  Life simply changes in an instant. Sometimes you know what that change is, you have planned for it, you are completely ready or at least you think you are ready.  Then it happens, that instant and everything is different. Sometimes it’s what you expected and sometimes it is not.  Sometimes it’s better than expected and sometimes it catches you by surprise and it’s nothing like you thought it would be.  Then you have those times that life changes in an instant that you never ever even thought about. It just happens and you find yourself taken back and wondering where that came from.  Sometimes it’s something amazing and your more excited than you have ever been. Or, it’s something not good and it takes your breath away and you feel like you can’t breathe.  But, you can’t go back, you can’t rewind, it is what it is and life is changed.  In 2012 our family seemed to have one instant after another where life was simply different.  Some moments amazing and planned for and expected. Some better than expected and some came out of left field and took our breathe away.   

 In January of 2012 I had just started VLI (Vineyard Leaders Institute) and was ready to take a more serious approach to moving into ministry as a career. I had been leading the youth group at our church for about 5 years and I really thought it was time to make steps toward being a youth pastor. The tiny middle school group that I had started with 5 years before had grown into 30+ kids and about a dozen adult leaders.  God was moving in big ways and I was so excited about where our church was headed and about this youth ministry.  My day job was a secretary at a law office. This job was a huge blessing and worked well with the work I did with the church. BJ was just a few semesters away from graduating from Grand View University with a degree in Health Promotions. Kyleigh, our daughter, was almost 2.  She was always full of energy and she made our life fuller and happier with lots of laughs.  Life seemed to be at a good place and we had decided that this might be the right time to add a baby to the mix. BJ and I had talked about the plan for the year and how a baby could fit into it.  Life was chugging along at full speed and we thought we were headed in the right direction.   

We found out I was pregnant at the end of February after about 4ish months of trying. This was an instant that we were prepared for and wanted. Life had changed. Our family went from 3 to 4 in an instant. My response to this positive pregnancy test was far less dramatic than my first pregnancy.  I knew what to expect in the weeks to come.  I was already a mom, so adding another little bundle seemed exciting and good. And we trusted God to continue to guide us and provide for us what we needed.  

So, I'm a planner. Constantly thinking through and figuring out what's next. I was totally prepared to continue working and leading our youth group with a baby and Kyleigh.  I had it all planned out in my head and it seemed reasonable. I could continue VLI and I could do it all…right? BJ and I had talked about it and how the first few months might be hard but we could figure it out.  He was suppose to graduate in December and by my calculations I was due at the beginning of November.  So, I could go back to work after he finished school.  And he could look for a job and watch the kiddos…etc. and so on. But, there was something really different about this pregnancy. I was more tired and I felt more nauseous. It was a lot harder on me than I remembered with Kyleigh. I just didn’t want to do anything but sit on the couch.  I was overwhelmed by how tired I was and how little I could accomplish.  The week before Easter I had gotten really sick with a stomach bug. I couldn’t eat much but chocolate milk and cookies. Everything else made me sick. I went to the doctor and got some antibiotics. I had to get back to work. Finally I started feeling better but I had some bleeding. Just a tiny bit. Bleeding while pregnant can be normal but since I had been so sick the week before I scheduled an appointment anyway.  Ok, I thought, I’ll go in and they’ll tell me everything is fine and I can go back to work. 

As I walked in the midwives office, I was pretty sure everything was fine because I had not had any more blood.  They examined me and then the midwife tried to find a heartbeat. As I held my breath and waited it seemed to take forever. She finally found one and I sighed with relief and smiled. I was relieved, she said everything seemed to be fine.  She decided to have me do an ultra-sound anyway, just to be sure everything was ok.

As the ultra-sound tech put the wand on my belly, I knew what I would see would be like a little blob. There were two little blobs.  As I looked at the screen, I thought is that what I think it is…no, no, it can’t be…it’s probably just a head and a butt and they’ll connect as the wand moves…right?!  They did not connect, these two somethings in me did not connect. Wait, TWO?!? Then, when the ultra-sound tech said “I have some news for you”. I knew exactly what she was going to say next – TWINS! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!! WHAT! I almost fell off the table. I wanted to puke, laugh, scream and cry all at the same time.  I felt excited, terrified, overjoyed, a little angry, happy, nervous, anxious all at the same time.  This was not what we had planned for and we were not prepared. And now everything had changed in an instant. Everything! Oh crap, I thought.  How am I going to handle this? Twins are a blessing…right?  I thought, well we wanted 3 kids and we get them in 2 pregnancies and since I did not wear pregnancy well, this was a great thing. Thank God we already have a minivan.  Twins + Kyleigh, God are you crazy?  Are You trying to drive me crazy?!  I won’t be able to go back to work. Oh, crap, I haven’t even told my work I was pregnant.  It’s change that hits you and you’re not sure what to think or how to react or what to do next. And I had to tell BJ, crap. Oh crap.

I walked out of the doctor’s office in a daze of questions and confusion.  And I had to get back to work. I wanted to go home and tell BJ in person but there was no time.  So, I called him.  I made sure he wasn’t driving (I needed him good and alive after this news). I said "I have some news you might want to sit down for."  He knew instantly and the way he said "twins?" in response had a hint of nauseousness. We had an "oh crap" moment. We were fully prepared for one baby but twins was new and uncharted territory for us. We were excited but that was masked by uncertainty and shock.

Now, off to work where I told my co-worker, Kris. Noticing I was kind of in a daze Kris had asked if I was alright.  I told her "well, I haven't decided if I'm alright. I'm pregnant and not with just one but two babies!". She was excited for me as well but also had questions.  This news affected her too.  "Was I going to come back to work after?", was one of the first questions she asked me.  Of course I thought, I don’t think it’s possible.  Two babies, with day care costs, it just would not be worth it. But that's too much to decide in one day. 

The next few days we soaked in the news and started telling our family and friends. Most people were so excited for us.  I had many people say “I want twins” or “you’re so lucky” or “twins are a blessing”.  Don’t get me wrong, I thought twins were a blessing too.  I was just still trying to figure out how.  I was trying to figure out how all of this was suppose to work together and trying to convince myself that I could still do it all with two babies.  I can be so unrealistic sometimes!